余計なお世話- Excessive Care
余計なお世話, read as "yokei na osewa," is a concept in Japanese that directly translates to excess care. In its usage, it probably more closely translates to "it's none of your business." An action might be described as being 余計なお世話 when you do something unnecessary to help someone else, or when you meddle in other people's affairs.
I'm always trying to look for opportunities to help people, but I'm also concerned that my help might be unnecessary or excessive. For example, last night, I was waiting in line for some pasta from the dining hall, and a person behind me seemed to be in a bit of a hurry. When it got to my turn to get my pasta cooked, I asked the chef to cook the pasta of the person behind me first. This only resulted in confusion and my pasta ultimately got prepared first. Afterward, I felt kind of embarrassed that I even tried at all. Even if the chef cooked my pasta later, I would have only saved a little less than a minute for the person behind me. Sometimes, maybe it's best not to do anything. It's not as though my attempt to help would have been meaningless had it succeeded. It's just that the benefit would have been so small that it seems like it wasn't even worth helping at all.
Now, when I say my effort wasn't worthwhile, I'm not saying that instances in which you go above and beyond to help someone only a little bit are all not worthwhile. But it does feel like that in an example like the one I described above, there wasn't enough of a compelling motivating factor in the result itself for it to be an act of kindness. My involvement was utterly unnecessary, and it might seem as though I only cared to act so that I can call myself a kind person. Would I even have bothered to try if the person behind me were not a pretty girl?
Excessive care isn't so bad, because at the end of the day, even if it is excessive, you are trying to help someone. But I think the reason it might be frowned upon in Japan is that the act of helping, when done excessively or unnecessarily, causes annoyance and disrespect. Maybe my actions last night is akin to asking a fellow college student if they wanted help doing one-digit addition problems. It is doubtful the help is needed, and it is as if I do not respect my peer's intelligence. I am imposing upon another person a need for support where there isn't a need at all. It might seem like I am just trying to contrive a situation where I can act like what I think a nice person would behave. It becomes evident that my intent is not to create any utility for the other person but to make myself feel better.
The circumstance that I described above isn't so egregious in that the act would have only created a tiny bit of benefit for the other person. It seems perfectly fine to me to let someone ahead of you when all it would take to do so is stepping to the side and gesturing the other person to step forward. It probably seems like I did a bad thing now because I felt like I was flexing my ability to care. I feel like I was going out of my way for the sake of self-satisfaction. Being too concerned about causing offense with an act of kindness is probably not better than occasionally trying too hard to be nice. But I do think that it is essential to try and make sure that acts of kindness are backed up with a real intention of wanting to help. While it's still possible to miscalculate your helpfulness and still end up being excessive, you can at least be sure that you're not contriving an arbitrary impetus for being nice.
Post by Kai
I'm always trying to look for opportunities to help people, but I'm also concerned that my help might be unnecessary or excessive. For example, last night, I was waiting in line for some pasta from the dining hall, and a person behind me seemed to be in a bit of a hurry. When it got to my turn to get my pasta cooked, I asked the chef to cook the pasta of the person behind me first. This only resulted in confusion and my pasta ultimately got prepared first. Afterward, I felt kind of embarrassed that I even tried at all. Even if the chef cooked my pasta later, I would have only saved a little less than a minute for the person behind me. Sometimes, maybe it's best not to do anything. It's not as though my attempt to help would have been meaningless had it succeeded. It's just that the benefit would have been so small that it seems like it wasn't even worth helping at all.
Now, when I say my effort wasn't worthwhile, I'm not saying that instances in which you go above and beyond to help someone only a little bit are all not worthwhile. But it does feel like that in an example like the one I described above, there wasn't enough of a compelling motivating factor in the result itself for it to be an act of kindness. My involvement was utterly unnecessary, and it might seem as though I only cared to act so that I can call myself a kind person. Would I even have bothered to try if the person behind me were not a pretty girl?
Excessive care isn't so bad, because at the end of the day, even if it is excessive, you are trying to help someone. But I think the reason it might be frowned upon in Japan is that the act of helping, when done excessively or unnecessarily, causes annoyance and disrespect. Maybe my actions last night is akin to asking a fellow college student if they wanted help doing one-digit addition problems. It is doubtful the help is needed, and it is as if I do not respect my peer's intelligence. I am imposing upon another person a need for support where there isn't a need at all. It might seem like I am just trying to contrive a situation where I can act like what I think a nice person would behave. It becomes evident that my intent is not to create any utility for the other person but to make myself feel better.
The circumstance that I described above isn't so egregious in that the act would have only created a tiny bit of benefit for the other person. It seems perfectly fine to me to let someone ahead of you when all it would take to do so is stepping to the side and gesturing the other person to step forward. It probably seems like I did a bad thing now because I felt like I was flexing my ability to care. I feel like I was going out of my way for the sake of self-satisfaction. Being too concerned about causing offense with an act of kindness is probably not better than occasionally trying too hard to be nice. But I do think that it is essential to try and make sure that acts of kindness are backed up with a real intention of wanting to help. While it's still possible to miscalculate your helpfulness and still end up being excessive, you can at least be sure that you're not contriving an arbitrary impetus for being nice.
Post by Kai
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