Giving birth automatically makes you a mother?

For the last few days, I’ve finished two films by Hirozaku Kore-eda: Shoplifters (2018) and Like Father, Like Son (2013). I wanted to write about both of them because they covered the same theme: parenthood. Especially, one quote from shoplifters really struck me at heart: “Giving birth automatically makes you a mother?”

I don’t want to spoil either of the movies so I’ll talk about the overarching theme. Motherhood is interlinked with giving birth. The person you give birth to is obviously your child. It’s imperative that you take care of them. In this regard, I feel that mothers will naturally feel closer to their children than their fathers. Nevertheless, both would naturally feel attached to their children. Because I’ve been fortunate and that my parents paid a lot of attention and gave me a lot of care, it felt natural that they are my parents. But what about parents do not have much time for their children. I wonder what it is like for the child. Will they try to find a substitute for warmth? And in that case, is it okay to let the child choose the parents? We live in a framework that binds the children to their natural parents. But when will it be appropriate for the child to choose? I don’t doubt that you can love someone so much like your own child. 

I just finished watching Like Father, Like Son so I haven’t gone deep into the movie’s cinematography, but the movie was strong enough to leave me with a question. How can family love be explained? It’s definitely different from a romantic one. I feel like it’s one that you take it for granted. Your world will not suddenly illuminate when your parents love you. You just know it. You go on living comfortably under that safe assumption. But I think it will definitely be those type of love whose absence can be devastating. You won’t notice how important it is to you until it’s gone.

I’ve seen my mom lose her father. She was extremely sad but she lived on, happily with us. When I asked her what her life purpose was. She told me that she didn’t exactly know. But she told me that raising my sister and I into well-behaved, cultured and kind-hearted people was her main source of happiness. In fact, she said, that’s the meaning to her life. Maybe family love is not grounded on a person or two. It passes on from generation to generation. You grief at the loss of family members that came before you. But your love for the generation that came after is equally powerful. Thus, this type of love goes on. Maybe it’s the same for non-natural mothers too.