What is the point of the grind?

Whisper of the Heart (1995). Yoshifumi Kondo and Hayao Miyazaki.

Whether it's during the summer or at school, the 'grind' may keep me busy, but it doesn't always necessarily give me satisfaction. Last year, I did pretty well at school but I was empty inside. This was a similar feeling I had in prep school where I did well in school, but there was nothing outside of it.

At the beginning of the summer, my Vietnamese friend reached out to me. He was working with the government on certain public projects, and knowing that I am studying urban planning, he asked for my opinion. The thing is, I didn't know what to tell him. After a whole year of learning, I still felt that I could not contribute anything in the outside world. This left me with a lot of frustration. Many people told me to be patient, but I can't really do so.

This got me thinking that grades in the end doesn't matter if I cannot participate in the outside world. All of the education that I receive is useless, if I cannot connect theory to application. I am sure that what I learn will be useful, but I cannot wait around until that day comes. I think it is time that I manage my resources carefully, and find time to learn outside the classroom.

Everyone in my class gets taught the same material. And I think many people tend to think the same way because of that (e.g. Jane Jacobs is the hero of the people). It's almost like a cult whose beliefs cannot be questioned. "The book says so, so I believe it." But for me, not knowing the whole picture makes the class dissatisfying to me. Because of this narrow dimension that we get in class, I realized that knowing more means that I have an advantage over my classmates. Of course, knowledge is useless without understanding it. Whenever people try to mask their lack of confidence in a subject with technical jargon, I get really frustrated. So it is my goal to explain a concept so clearly that even an eight years old can understand it.

A lot of my frustration last year also came from the fact that homework and coursework were the only thing I seem to be doing. I wasn't doing any projects of my own. I wasn't learning the things I wanted. I was bending to the requirements that my major gave me. And every time I do a reading assignment from a subject I am indifferent to, it's frustrating.

And so, I want to set some goals for myself this semester. First, I will find all of the possible subjects that are of interest to me and then dive into them. I will dive deep enough that I can explain difficult concepts in simple language. Second, I will try to integrate these different subjects together to gain an understanding of a bigger picture. Finally, using these subjects, I will come up with my own personal project that is directly connected to the outside world. It's easy to be stuck in the grind. But the thing is, I am not satisfied with being stuck in the grind. I am willing to grind, but it will have to be for an external cause and not just grades.

I am writing this, not to flex on you that I am unique or special. I don't think I am. I just want to keep myself accountable. I promised myself so many times that I will break out of the cycle. Yet, I have always returned to it. And so I want to keep a promise to you and to myself, that I will produce something of value by the end of the semester. I don't know what it is yet, but I will have to formulate it on the way. See you then!